The redneck from Sault
St-Marie
I get a call from
Pat
Chris moved…
again
He needed a bigger place
He has a roommate
now
Cool
I just hope it`s not one of
those morons Pat
I dunno man
I never met the
guy
We`re going to the Peel pub
tonight
Wanna join us
Tom?
Yeah sure thing bro
It`s been a
while
I know
Good place to get drunk for
cheap
Dirt cheap
What time do we
meet?
Around seven thirty eight
o`clock
I`ll meet you guys
inside
It`s always crowded so we have
to be early
And I`m an early drinking
bird
You`ll find a table for us
then?
Of course
bro
I`m a team player
Cool thanks man
Don`t mention
it
See you later
alligator
Ciao amigo
I light up a
smoke
I`m dead
tired
I didn`t sleep for a
week
I`m gonna take a
shower
Hopefully
I`ll feel better
Stronger
More
technology
After the
shower
I`m cool, relaxed
Too calm
I pass out on me
couch
Later on
I hear a small buzzing sound
Da fuck is
this?
The phone
again
Hello
TOM WHERE DA HELL ARE YOU
MAN?
Pat is that
you?
MORON IT`S EIGHT
O`CLOCK!!!
HOW COME YOU`RE STILL
HOME???
Sorry bro I passed out on me
couch
Insomnia?
Yeah I`ve had trouble sleeping
the last couple of days
I understand
You`re staying home
then?
Of course not
You woke me up and now I`m
thirsty again
I`m getting dressed and I`ll
meet you there
Ok
See you guys later
Good we`ll be
waiting
Save me a seat
Of course
Cool
Later
Later
I get dressed and exit my
apartment
I light up a well deserved
smoke
Regarding
cigarettes
I like them strong which means
I`m into Players special blend
king size
Or
Players filter king
size
Otherwise
A pack of Kent will
do
I`m in luck
The bus is
here
After the bus ride I take the
metro
I get off at Peel station
I arrive at the Peel pub around
nine
Motherfucker there`s a
lineup
Fortunately
I`m friends with
Duke
He`s one of the
bouncers
You feed an animal once
Next time it sees you
It thinks you`re it`s meal
ticket
Bouncers are the
same
First time I came
here
I gave Duke five dollars
tip
HEY TOM
WAZZUP!!!
I`m alright
And you?
Busy man the place is
crowded
I know this lineup will take
forever
Sorry man
I open my wallet
Take out five
dollars
I understand Duke
But I`m sooooooooooo thirsty you
know
My friends are waiting for me
inside
He sees the five
spot
Your friends are
inside?
Yep
Follow me
then
We pass the lineup
There`s this small asian guy
staring at me
HOW COME HE PASS IN FRONT OF
EVERYBODY???
HE DON`T WAIT IN
LINE?
Listen son this is a private
matter here
Duke approaches
him
Stares him straight in the
eyes
You wouldn`t want any
troubles
WOULD
YOU?
No no problems it`s cool
man
As soon as I`m done with this
gentlemen
I`ll be back and find you a nice
spot
You`re cool with
that
Yes me cool
Hey my friends are
here
Thanks for the help Duke
Here keep the
change
Well merci mon
Tom
Anytime man
Hey guys
Hey Tom!
BIG SEXY IN DA
HOUSE!
Have a seat
Sure thing
I`m Beau pleased to meet
you
Bo?
Like Bo
Diddley?
No Beau
B-E-A-U
Beau
Like cute in
English
I`m sorry man I barely speak
French
I know a couple of words
though
Like?
Ostie de colice de
tabarnakle
We all start to
laugh
It`s alright Beau we`ll continue
in English
Thanks
Don`t mention
it
I light up a smoke that`s when I
notice
A lot of girls are staring at us
Trying to figure out why
I look around
That`s when I realize
Beau`s a babe
He`s got dirty blond
hair
He`s six foot two
Around 160 pounds
Cowboy boots
Tight white
jeans
Grey shirt
He looks like a white trash
version of Jon Bon Jovi
He`s a regular chick
magnet
This is a good
thing
We might get some ass
tonight
So like Beau
Where do you come
from?
Sault St-Marie
Ontario
You come from the
Sault?
Yep ever been
there?
I stayed there a
weekend
My ex girlfriend came from the
Sault
Really?
You`re not
bullshitting?
Of course not
Didn`t come here to bullshit
came here to drink
Do I look like a fucking
politician?
We all start to
laugh
What did you do during that
weekend in the Sault?
The usual
The usual?
Have sex and get drunk
Or the opposite in no particular
order
Did you go
out?
Sure did I checked out a couple
of dive bars
Like?
I got barred from Top Hat
Billiards
How come?
Hustling pool players what
else
You`re a pool
shark?
No
I`m a
hustler
Ah it`s all the
same
No
There`s a
difference
A shark is a professional pool
player
Who will gamble for lots of
money
Against professional pool
players only
Whilst a
hustler
Like moi
Hustles people
And tries not to get caught
doing so
Like the
devil
His biggest
accomplishment
Is to make you believe he
doesn`t exist
Except that
time
I got caught in a
turmoil
Turmoil?
I was winning so much so
easily
I got carried away
I wasn`t subtle at
all
I was careless
You know Becky the bartender
with pink hair?
A little
Well she told me to stop
Because people were pointing at
me
I didn`t
listen
Like usual
When I was about to
leave
One of the
bouncers
Came close to
me
And said
Listen man
If you ever come here
again
I`m not responsible for what
will happen to you
What for?
You`ve just about hustled
everybody here
Who me?
Yes you
Check how much cash you made
tonight
Ehhh…
Don`t answer my
question
I highly
recommend
For your own sake
That you never
EVER
Show your baby face
here
AGAIN
Sure thing
Needless to say
Beau
I never
EVER
Went there
AGAIN
Ah ah ah
One thing peculiar about
Beau
This guy drinks like a
fish
The pitchers are huge at the
Peel pub
I drank half of my first one
Beau just finished his second
pitcher
He`s ready to order a third
one
This is not a good
sign
If we`re lucky, he`ll pass out
while drinking
If not
He might get
sick
Stir up some kinda shit like a
fight or something
Or
He`ll remain remotely normal
like all of us
Only time will
tell
I light up another
smoke
My spider sense is
tingling
Someone or something is watching
me
I look around
Nothing
Hey wait a
minute
At the bar
I see this tall black
girl
With curly long
hair
Wearing a short, oh so damned
short mini-skirt
Long skinny
legs
Like a black
spider
A black widow
spider
A black diamond in the
rough
A black panther
perhaps
Hey, I`ll take my
chances
I get up
Walk slowly
Trying to act / look
cool
Trying to hide my state of semi
drunkenness
If that`s a
possibility
Hey girl, how are
ya?
Feeling fine and
you?
Feeling finer
already
Ah ah ah
You`re a slight little devil
aren`t you?
The devil in missus Jones
honey
Indeed
So like who`s the babe
Tom`s the name and babe`s my
game
Not you
I`m talking about the Jon Bon
Jovi lookalike
That
That would be
Beau
Now I`m feeling a little
disappointed
I want him
C`mon introduce me
Be useful for a
change
What a nasty attitude
Imagine when she`s making out
DAMNED!!!
Ok let`s go I`ll introduce
you
About time
We arrive at our table
Pat is having a smoke
Beau looks weird
though
Is eyes are rolling
strangely
HOLY FUCKING
MOLLY!!!
He`s totally
wasted
This is gonna be fun to
watch
Let the games
begin
So like
What is a cute boy like you
doing in a dump like this?
Unh???
Beau stares at her and
says
Youse a black
chick
Say what?
He gets up
Unzip his
pants
Grabs his dick and
says
NIGGAH CHICK WANTS SOME WHITE
MEAT FO SUPPAHH!!!
YOU FUCKING
ASSHOLE!!!
She kicks him in the balls
He lands on the table behind
him
The table
collapses
I see a lot of bottles crashing
on the floor
What a waste I`m
thinking
Four Asian guys where at the
table
They help Beau get up
He`s staggering
LEMME GO YOU FUCKKKING
CHINKS!!!
MOTHAFUKA!!!
One of them smashes a beer
bottle on Beau`s head
He falls on his
ass
Again
Lucky him he`s not
bleeding
He`s sporting a big bump on his
forehead
Sorry guys don`t mind my
friend
He`s just drunk
And extremely
stupid
Is ok
MUTHAFUKA HE DON`T WANNA FUCK
WITH US!!!
Nobody wanna fuck with you guys
for sure
Sorry again
TOM!!!
HEY
TOM!!!
Yes Duke what is
it?
You have to get
out
You`re friends rude and impolite
He`s a rascist piece
o`shit
We don`t tolerate this kinda
behevior here
It`s ok man we`re
leaving
I don`t like trouble
either
You know me
I do know you and appreciate you
Tom
Especially when I give him a big
tip
I know man
We`re leaving sorry for all the
troubles
It`s cool see you
around
See you
Beau`s so damned drunk he needs
help just standing up
So we carry
him
Let`s grab a cab guys
We`ll split the
ride
Good idea
Pat
We get inside a big green
station wagon
Frontenac metro station
please
Yes sir
Tom the metro`s closed at this
time
I know
We can take bus # 357
after
What`s that?
St-Michel night
bus
We`ll save some cash
More drinking money next
time
Good
thinking
I pay the fee my treat
guys
Thanks Tom
Don`t mention
it
I don`t know if I`m the only
one
Who noticed the driver`s
black
And I don`t want
asshole
I mean Beau
To open his racist mouth
again
We exit the
cab
We`re in luck
tonight
The bus arrives right
away
We enter
Holly shit I`m
thinking
The bus is half
full
We`re the only whites in
here
I hope
asshole
I mean Beau stays
put
I wanna live long and
prosper
We`re sitting in the back
I`m sitting near the back exit
Just in case
Better be safe than
sorry
We pass a couple of bus
stations
And Beau stays
put
I thought we were gonna make
it
Boy was I
wrong
At the corner of Laurier he sort
of wakes up or something
IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT IN
HERE!!!!
WHAT IS THIS NIGGAH
TOWN!!!
ALL TAKE YOU ALL AT THE SAME
TIME!!!
MY FRIEND PAT WILL KICK YOUR
ASSES TOO!!!
CHRIS AND TOM WILL HELP
ME!!!
We look at him
Totally
shocked
Pat gets up grabs him by the
throat
Shoves him on the floor
SHUT THE FUCK UP
BEAU!!!
YEAH SHUT
UP!!!
Chris turns
around
I`m sorry my friend is drunk
And he`s incredibly stupid
too
We`re not like
him
Beau gets up
YOUSA BUNCH OF FUCKING
PUSSIES
I`LL TAKE THEM NIGGAHS
MYSELF
He tries to
walk
But falls on his
back
Everybody looks at him
We all laugh
He looks so damned
ridiculous
I help him get
up
Have a seat and please stay
put
He spits in my
face
I punch him in the
stomach
He falls on the floor
again
He seems in pain
But not enough to shut
up
YOUSE A NIGGAH LOVER, ARE
YA?
Before I could do / say
anything
There`s this huge black guy who
gets up
Grabs Beau by the throat and
lifts him up
LISTEN SON
IF I HEAR YOU SAY THE WORD N
AGAIN
YOU`LL BE GOING
CAMPING
UNDER AN OXYGEN TENT
PERMANENTLY
DO I MAKE MYSEL
CLEAR?
Uhhh
I
SAID
DO I MAKE MYSELF
CLEAR
Yeah sure
He lets him
go
Motherfucking nigger
WHAT DID YOU
SAY?
Nothing, nothing at
all
I thought so
Everybody is staring at
us
You could hear a bee
flying
It`s so
silent
I can sense anger, frustration
in the air
And I`m thinking
We`re safe
inside
What happens when we get
out?
I decide to exit right
away
I don`t mind walking
home
I get up
Ok guys this is my stop I`m
leaving
Ciao Tom
Goodnight
dude
They didn`t realize a
thing
They`re scarred shitless and
can`t think straight
Good for me
I came home around three
a.m.
I didn`t hang out with Chris and
Pat
And assshole
I mean Beau
For a couple of
weeks
After awhile I get a call from
Pat
How come you`re not calling me
anymore?
You angry at me or
something?
Not at all
I wanna live long and
prosper
I don`t want to hang out with
rednecks
Racist hicks and what
not
I understand
Don`t worry
though
I kicked him out the next
day
You have a new roommate
now?
Yes
You know him it`s
Chris
Good thing
Peel pub tonight?
I`ll meet you guys
there
Beau came from Sault
St-Marie
He could have come from
Montréal
Ville
St-Laurent
New York
India
Tokyo
The world is full
of
Rednecks
Hicks
White trash
Religious / political
fanatics
Human
garbage
Racist / sexist closed minded
bigots
Look around
They`re everywhere
Makes you proud to be human
Doesn`t it?
Signing off.
