Means to an end
François Marceau (23-06-2016)
Are you happy Terry Tranny?
What kind of a stupid question is that?
Are you a happy man?
Happiness is an illusion created by mass media
Owned by big corporations in order for people to
consume more products.
Come again, I didn`t understand a word you`re saying.
Terry slowly gets up, looks Gilbert Brownozzer straight in the eyes and says let me explain.
- Try vitamin XXLX will make you bigger, stronger, more technology.
– Have a double decker motherfucker gangbangedzilla cheeseburger with fries the size of your ass.
For 2.99$ here at Max-Malaka.
– Buy a six pack of our corporately owned `Nature`s last call `
Micro-brewed beer. It smells and tastes like nature`s last call.
Just 16.99$ at your local slave trade conglomerate.
- Shop at your local Wallzz-Of-Scrap.
We have the lowest of the lowest prices here.
Our prices are so low they`re beyond child labor.
– You got a micro dick and tiny breasts.
Don`t just stand there.
Come and see us here at Supersize-me corporation.
Fifty dollars per breast
And a hundred dollars per penis.
Do you want to look like a North American?
We also do stomach enhancements.
Comes with free cholesterol, diabetes
Heart attacks included.
How`s that for a deal!
- Unemployed and still looking for work?
Your country needs you Bubba.
Think about it for a second.
We feed you
give you cool army gears
shelter
money
and all the ammo you can handle
(guns, grenades, machineguns, flamethrowers,
you name it Bubba).
You`re still not convinced?
You`re not randomly killing people, you`re liberating them.
Sign on the dotted line please.
- Unemployed and still looking for work (part two)?
Send your resume at Youcantratethis conglomerate.
There`s a bright future in store for you.
You`ll be given a job
with no compensations
no pension funds
no union
no social advantages
with long working hours (overtimes never included).
We focus on development and continuous training
for all of our employees / associates / drones.
We offer courses in back stabbing
superior ass kissing
hand / blow jobbing
(special mentions for spitting or swallowing)
and yesmanism.
Our finest candidates may succeed
in getting a Doctorate in Smitherism,
the highest position on the corporate ladder.
– You don`t believe in God?
You should be ashamed of yourself.
There is a God you just
didn`t choose which one yet.
Think of all the possibilities,
you can
maim
torture
rape
and kill all those who think differently
because God is on your side.
Which means you`re always on the winner`s side.
Think about it.
There`s a heaven for some
there`s virgins waiting for others
and you redeem
your karma ticket right at the entrance (for some).
Terry sits down, exhausted
he takes a sip from his latté.
Gilbert Brownozzer stares blankly at him.
He gets up and closes his file.
He`s still staring blankly at Terry Tranny.
Well mister Brownozzer.
Well what?
I`m sorry if I burst up like that.
I didn`t mean to offend you.
I`m a passionate person you know.
Passion is a good thing mister Tranny.
It has to be properly and corporately controlled
like everything else in life.
I`d like to shake your hand Terry.
Yes sir.
The kiss of death, he`ll fire me for sure now.
Mister Tranny I have some good and bad news.
I`m listening.
The good news first.
You`re promoted.
I`ll put you in charge of the
publicity and public relations department.
But that`s Johnny Brownitongues position.
That`s the bad news.
You have to fire him.
Think you`re up for it?
I think so.
It`s Friday and you`re starting Monday.
Don`t just stand there.
Go fire his ass!
I`m on my way.
Terry gets out of his office
closes the door behind him.
First time I`m firing someone.
I`m so excited. I feel like God.
I am God.
I`m getting an erection here.
Thursday, 23 June 2016
Various – Bluffers Guide Volume 6, 2005 Sizzling Summer (double CD)
I got this at
Renaissance Montréal, again for 2.00$. I`m a sucker for Ninja Tune
record label, ever since I bought, way back in 2000, their Xen Cuts
(3 × CD Compilation). The music goes into
various sonic territories: future jazz, hip hop, electronic and downtempo. You
will hear some songs from: Jaga
Jazzist, Amon
Tobin, AmmonContact, One Self, Dwight Trible & The Life Force,
Trio, Airborn Audio, The Herbaliser, Mr. Scruff, Pest, Blockhead, Bonobo, Roots Manuva (two tracks),
Spank Rock,
Part 2, TTC, Diplo (two songs), Ty, and King Geedorah. There`s some amazing
pieces here;
CD 1 – Sunny
side
6 – Airborn Audio –
inside the globe = funky electronics + hip hop = the perfect summer
hit.
8 – Mr. Scruff – chicken
in a box = downtempo funky electronic music, sweet.
CD 2 –
Scrambled
4 – TTC – dans le club =
an incredible mix of hip hop and electronica from those Parisian rappers. An
interesting compilation. Too much hip hop for my taste buds (I prefer electronic
music what can I say).
art is everywhere part 59
Introducing Theo Nelson
Theo Nelson
2611 Charlebois Dr. NW
Calgary
Alberta
T2L 0T5
Canada
Theo Nelson
2611 Charlebois Dr. NW
Calgary
Alberta
T2L 0T5
Canada
Thursday, 16 June 2016
Mark Ritchie & Pete Coward (chapbook)
I`m so happy to
receive this. I`d prefer a book but a split chapbook with Mark Ritchie
will do. In case you didn`t know Mark does this amazing, black & white, cut
& paste monthly zine titled `Hiroshima Yeah! `. He writes short,
witty poems. I was always hoping an editor would publish his poems. No one did.
He decided to self-publish which is often the best option. To give the devil his
dues, we start with `poems from Glasgow `. there`s 14 poems from Mark.
They`re all great but my favorite one is
Silence
sometimes
There is silence
sometimes,
But it is all too
rare.
When it fall upon
you, the
World seems to be
holding it`s
Breath.
And in the red
corner, I mean on the other side we get treated with `poems from London
`. Pete Coward (a sometimes Hiroshima Yeah! Contributor) writes 13
short stories / poems. Good stuff, check this one out
Not dead
yet
How do you not
die?
Someone asked me
once
After a few
days
Intimate
acquaintance
A few years
later
I still have no
answers for her
And am
still
Not
dead
Believe
me,
It`s not for want
of trying.
Damned this is
good stuff. Contact: donbirnam@hotmail.com. Send him a
donation, pay him a pint, don`t just stand there do something. This I
command.
Hiroshima Yeah| # 136 – June 2016 (zine)
Whenever I get
something by mail, which is not some bills or publicity, it makes my day. I sit
down, open a cold beer and start reading my monthly intake of HY! (This
issue has six pages crammed with goodies). We open things up with poems by `a
bitter old fuck `. My favorite pieces this time around
are
Necropolis
I spend my
time
In
libraries,
Graveyards and
pubs.
And other cities
of the dead.
And
Happy?
`Are you happy?
`she asks.
`I`m never happy
`I reply.
`Why is that?
`
I smile,
shrug.
If I could answer
that…
And
finally
Reasons to
hate
I think of reasons
to hate you,
In an attempt to
make it easier.
But the ache never
ends.
Mark you are a
talented poet and writer. We have some music, book and concert (Father John
Misty, academy, Glasgow, 12-05-2016) reviews. There`s our monthly dose of
`13.82 billion years in hell ` (Gary Simmons strange,
cryptic, psychotic, antisocial / social comments), and `fuck
Chrissie! ` (Mark Ritchie + Gary Simmons texting madness).
We end all this with `Rex`s blues `, a nice shorty from mark himself.
Contact: donbirnam@hotmail.com
Hiroshima Yeah! # 135 – May 20016 (zine)
This is my
favorite 8.5 by 11, cut & paste, black & white, monthly zine (5 pager).
There`s a beautiful Elizabeth Taylor picture on the front cover.
Now let`s begin with `poetry of lunacy `department. Standout poems
are
SC
We have been
friends
For many
years
But your
neediness
Has become
insufferable
Lately.
Meeting you
now
Is a
chore.
I wish you would
join
The society of
freaks
Who drink on their
own,
As I did a long
time ago.
And leave me
alone.
And
Doing
nothing
It is
frightening
How
rapidly
The months can
vanish;
Getting
up,
Going to the
library,
Then to the
pub;
Nothing really
happening.
And the
relief,
The
novelty
Of doing
nothing
Slowly turns
To
boredom
And
then
To
anxiety
And
depression.
But the
fear
Of doing
something,
Something
new,
Is
overwhelming,
Terrifying.
Pretty funky if
you ask me. There`s our monthly features of `13.82 billion years of
hell ` (Garry Simmons writes music reviews this time around), and `doctor
Thornaby` (strange / bizarre / weird to say the least). We also have some
book , music and concert (Richmond Fontaine, art school, Glasgow
27-04-2016). We end this zine with a couple of short stories from the likes of
Gaya Donadio & Garry Simons (dialogue between a
promoter and a probationing man) and Mark Ritchie `café de
chattes `. Contact: donbirnam@hotmail.com
Monday, 13 June 2016
Robert Wallace – gross dummy (cassette)
I got this from
the same chap who sent me `The Crash Hounds Of America – brown thoughts`
cassette. This is a slightly short tape (19 tracks = 29.30
minutes). A lo-fi recording made with synthesizers, beats (various banging),
some type of voice / singing, acoustic and at times distorted electric guitar. I
like the lo-fi aesthetics at work here. The music sounds like a mix between
Eric`s Trip (the lo-fi bedroom pop), Suicide (minimal synth lines)
and The Byrds (a subtle slightly psychedelic pop sensibility). This is
good non-commercial, independent, underground music. My standout tracks of the
moment are:
11 – Island
life # 2 (2.23 minutes) = percussions / banging, meets some singing, with
distorted guitar works. It sounds like Sonic Youth
unplugged).
14 – Do I look
like my dad (0.22 seconds) = a short & sweet minimal ambient interlude.
Contact:
Hot & Ready
records
2700 White Ave.
#3
Chico
California
95973
USA
The Crash Hounds Of America – brown thoughts (cassette)
One of the reasons why I keep doing this is I love
getting stuff by mail. I recently got this parcel with a zine, two cassettes,
yes, you heard me, two old school analogue tapes. Through the years, I heard a
lot of weird noise and music. Some great stuff, some average and some bad crap.
This is weird: acoustic / electric guitar, some percussions / banging going on
while someone is trying his best to sing. The end results are intense, crazy,
nearly schizophrenic song oriented mumbo jumbo. If someone would be capable of
mixing Syd Barrett / Captain Beefheart`s out there jam sessions with some
Jack Terrible`s weird / schizoid musings / rantings and a little
Bo Diddley on the side, then they would create The Crash Hounds
Of America. It took me a couple of listens to appreciate this tape. I found
some standout tracks:
5 – Puke (on myself) = electric guitar + some
banging + voice + synthesizer. Recalls Suicide, good stuff.
6 – Hound hunch = a good mix of percussions
& banging = Nox anyone.
7 – Brown town = the usual mix of things with
some free saxophone sessions. Think Blurt and you`re getting there. Have
no fear and send him a couple of bucks here:
Hot & Ready records
2700 White Ave. #3
Chico
California
95973
USA.
Mutemath – Mutemath (CD)
This is the first
album from those New Orleans chaps. It came out in 2005 on their own
record label (Teleprompt records). I was browsing through endless piles
of used Cds at Renaissance Montréal when I found this. The cover caught
my attention, it looks a little bit like Kraftwerk`s `trans
Europe Express` album, especially the colors. I was curious and for 2.00$
a CD, what the hell. I`m hearing this for the first time and I have to admit
that I`m puzzled and surprised here. This is like a rich sonic stew, not much
meat but lots of good vegetables: onions, cabbage, carrots, potatoes, turnip,
zucchini, Brussels sprout, cauliflower, parsnip, and eggplant. The arrangements
are rich, structured, and complex. A melting pot of various music styles
alternative, math rock, garage, art rock, new wave, reggae, funk, jazz,
electronica, progressive rock, psychedelic music, stoner, dream pop and spacy,
atmospheric rock (Sigur Ros perhaps). Impressive to say the least. You
want some, come get some here: http://www.mutemath.com/
Independent Compilation 2 (CD)
This album was
bought by a good friend of mine at the Montréal écocentre (google it) for
a dollar. He gave me a couple of those CDs as a gift. This is a huge compilation
(27 bands = 75.53 minutes). The music is on the heavy, the intense side of
things. It`s a mixture of various music styles alternative rock, nu metal, funk
metal, punk, melodic hardcore, ska. Death metal and downright brutal hardcore.
It feels like an international compilation. There`s bands from
France
-L`esprit Du
Clan
-Tagada
Jones
-Lofofora
-No Place For
Soul
-Mass
Hysteria
-Clone
-Burning
Heads
-Homeboys
-Seven
Hate
-Yo Pizza
Jump
-Black Bomb
A
-Vulgar
Deli
-Abkahn
-Noxious
Enjoyment
-Contra
Legem
-Kargol`s
-Skunk
-La Ruda
Salska
-Toxic
Waste
-Wampas
-Freedom for
King Kong
Sweden
-Satanic
Surfers
Switzerland
-Nostromo
Canada
-Grimskunk
-Doa
-Akuma
This compilation
came out in 2002. Most of these bands are still active today. Punk`s not dead
folks. It`s definitely alive and kicking, even today.
Thursday, 2 June 2016
Le phoque de Montréal 2008 (CD)
This album was
bought by a good friend of mine at the Montréal écocentre (google it) for
a dollar. He gave me a couple of those CDs as a gift. This is a compilation of
various unknown Montréalers (20 songs = 72.05 minutes) and yes, you`re
right it came out in 2008. A bilingual release (some sing in French, others in
English). There`s different music styles here: lo-fi indie,
alternative country, garage rock, folk rock,
indie, punk, pop rock, new wave pop,
psychedelic rock and folk. You will hear sounds from the likes of
Darling Demaes, Mordekai The Falcon, Bad Uncle, Le
Nom, Dandy Plume, Le Mieux De La mort, Jaimee Lee,
Swamp Sex Robots, Pom Pom War, Le Couleur,
Bujo, Alex Et Le Droogies, Lavabo, Chartier +
4, Voilà, Harvee, Destael, After The Weather,
Jérémie Droulers and Mono / Stéréo. An interesting compilation of
underground bands / artist from that period. None of them made it big (maybe
there`s a good reason why). You figure it out.
art is everywhere part 56
We've got some Haddock today folks!
The Haddock
2760 Willamette # 205
Eugene
Oregon
97405
USA
The Haddock
2760 Willamette # 205
Eugene
Oregon
97405
USA
Lab Findings # 5 (zine)
A couple of weeks
ago I sent Dr. Bill a couple of Mastock newsletters. He send me
Lab Findings # 6 (his most recent issue). I loved it. I reviewed it, and
I sent him more copies of the Mastock newsletter. I got a small parcel
last night. The good doctor Bill didn`t have time to finalize LF#7 so he send me
issue #5. This one is a 8.5 by 11, black & white, printed zine (6 pages this
time around). Let`s start with the postal rundown section. It is a huge
list of mail contacts (44 to be precise) for mail art, collage artists, homemade
postcards, traders, and some zines as well. There`s also the letter
comment section. While reading this I discovered I`m not the only one who
likes shopping at thrift stores. I purchased some rare, cool and cheap CDs /
DVDs there. I bought in no particular
order; A- Best of
Troma Dance Volume 4 DVD = 4.00$ B- The Throne Of Drones Compilation CD = 2.00$ (sold out and rare). -C-DJ Spooky That Subliminal Kid
– Necropolis: The Dialogic Project CD = 0.50 (my favorite illbient /
electronic album).
We have some articles about
little free libraries (I would love to see this in Montréal),
the midnight movies era and afterword. This zine is an
amazing read. Feel free to contact Doctor Bill at:
Kobb Labs
P.O.Box
30231
Pensacola
Florida
32503 USA
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