TFTTDH part 13

Solo action and thereof

After a couple of months

Of renting movies every weekend

Drinking by myself

Lack of human contact was setting in

Feeling lonely

BULLSHIT!!!

I was horny like a dog in heat

I needed some action

Some type of gratification

I had to go out

It was a Saturday night

And I didn`t have a lot of money

To spend in fancy places

With a motherfucking cover charge

Might as well go in a dive

A hellhole full of subhumans

Where the beer is dirt cheap

And there`s always something going on

Let`s start the evening with a local lowbrow icon

The P*** Pub

Rumour has it they`re recycling specialists

Recycling leftover beers and food

Maybe that`s why it`s so damn cheap

But then again

It`s a myth

An urban legend

Even though

There`s always a small portion of truth somewhere

In every myth, legend

There`s three things I hate about this place

1- too crowded and too loud

2- waiting in line to drink and piss

3-  anonymous cover charge

no cover charge but

the bouncer at the entrance likes tips

you give him a good one

and there`s no more waiting in line

fucking prick

I give him a five spot

Surprise, surprise

I`m comfortably sitting at the bar

I order a pitcher & light up a smoke

Spare a smoke dude?

I turn around and…

Sitting next to me there`s this white trash looking guy

Wearing a Nordiques t-shirt & cap

With long dirty blonde hair

Here`s your cigarette my man

Let me guess you`re from Longueuil ?

Yes how did you find out dude?

I`m a psychic

For real

Real

WOW!!!

Can you tell the future?

Yes our future will include

Lots of beer drinking and maybe some action

Action?

Suddenly a fight erupts

Action I say

WOW!!!

You`re incredible dude

I know

Anything else you know?

Your mom should have taken a facial

Instead of a creampie

What?

I mean I`m sure you

Have a lot of brothers and sisters

One brother and two sisters

You`re a really good psychic

I know

Well buddy I just finished my beer

And I gotta go

It was nice meeting you though

Likewise I`m sure

We shake hands, I get up, light up a smoke

Then leave

I`m walking on St-Catherine street , going east

It`s nice and warm outside

I`ve been walking for about ten minutes

And nothing in sight

Here`s Musique Plus

And on the other side of the street

There`s Pub bistro Le Courtier

Definitely not dive material

I like the music & the atmosphere though

I get in

WOW!!! The place is almost empty

There`s two guys at the bar that`s all

I look at the time, 21h30 p.m.

Surprising for a Saturday night

I`m thinking

I came in

Might as well have at least one drink

Show respect to the place

Yo Gerry

Yo Tom

Gimme a small Budweiser

Coming right up

Here you go

Thanks man and keep the change

Well thank you kind sir

You`re welcome

I grab my beer

So damn thirsty

I chug it in one shot

Jesus Christ Tom!!!

What?

Fucking pig you chug it in one shot

Well I`m thirsty

So what?

You want another one?

No I`m leaving

Why?

Not your fault bro

But the place is almost empty

I`m bored

It`s alright

Later Gerry

Later Tom

Still walking east on St-Catherine

I arrive on St-Laurent street

DIVE TERRITORY BABY!!!

Let`s see where should I go?

Tavern Alouette?

Been there, done that 

Café Cléopatre

Man,  the strippers are so gross

I should be the one stripping

Bar Salon Midway

Naw too many weirdos

Chez Peters

The only dive with a pool table

Now that`s what I`m talking about

I go in and look around

The place is almost full

I see a decent variety of subhumans here

Slackers

Bums

Prostitutes

Inbreds

Transvestites

And lots of vagrants too

Hey Jay

Hey Tom

Gimme the usual

And that would be

BEER

BEER

BEER

I know but which one?

What`s on special?

Glass of beer for a buck

Cool

Here`s ten dollars

Gimme eight glasses

And keep the change

I sit down near the pool table

For later on I`m thinking

Jay brings me four glasses

Hey what da fuck is this?

I ordered eight glasses not four

Relax Tom

I give you four glasses now

As for the other ones

I left them in the fridge so they stay cold

He says with a smile

Man you`re a regular genius

I know Tom, he says with a grin

I have a shot & light up a smoke

Spare a cigarette darling?

I turn around and

YUCK!!!

What an ugly disgusting old hooker

Toothless

Fat

Floppy breasts

Greasy blonde hair

With the stench

Of cheap perfume & old cum

I feel like vomiting so I give her a smoke

To get rid off her fast

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!

Now she`s sitting next to me

Need a date loverboy?

No it`s alright babe maybe next time

You don`t like girls?

Are you some kind of queer or something?

I`m straight

I don`t need a date now

I`m fucking thirsty

I came here to drink first and fuck later maybe

Ok then

Can I hang out with you?

Sure thing sexy

You think I`m cute?

She said, pleasantly surprised

Indeed

Check my beer and I`m coming right back

Ok

There`s a guy alone at the pool table

Hey yo wanna can I play a game of pool with you?

No problem

Cool I`m Tom and you are?

Ramon

You`re Mexican hombre?

No I`m Salvadorian

Cool

Dos cervesas por favor

Hablo espanol?

Poquito amigo

I know all the bad words dude

Mucho malcriado amigo

Indeed

He breaks

And I clean the table

You`re good amigo

I just got lucky

Play another game Ramon?

Ok

Wanna play for a pitcher of beer?

Sure

I break then sink a couple of balls

Then miss a shot, on purpose

Fucking shit, I say

He plays

Sinks some balls and misses

I do my remaining balls

I won Ramon

I know let me get your pitcher

Nice

Here you go amigo

Gracias

And Jay, at the same time

Brings my four beer glasses

Two for the price of one

Here you go babe

I give her my pitcher

Thanks Tom

It`s alright

Could you keep checking my beers?

Ok

I play some more

Win some more

Every time

I give my pitcher to the hooker

If she could only pass out

I would be able to drink alone

And have some kinda peace

I wouldn`t want to fuck that

Even

If she was the last remaining woman on earth

Well well welll

Will you look at that

She passed out on her chair

About fucking time

I finish my pool game

Collect my pitcher

Light up a smoke & sit down

Hey Jay

Yes Tom

Eight more beer glasses please

Coming right up

Here you go Tom

Four now and four later

Here, keep the change bro

Thanks

It`s alright

I`m sitting down listening to music

Drinking cold beer

Chilling – out

Once in awhile she wakes up

Dazed and confused

Hey babe have some beer

I fill up her glass

She takes a swig and passes out again

I keep drinking

Once in a while she wakes up

And I help her pass out

Soon it`s getting late

And I`m feeling pretty intoxicated

I gotta get out

And have something to eat

Beer always makes me hungry

I get up light up a smoke

As I`m ready to leave she wakes up

Looks at me and says

Tom wanna party?

Sure thing babe let me get more beer

Don`t take too long lover boy

Have a swig sexy I gotta take a leak

And I`ll be right back

I piss, wash my hands, exit the washroom

Look around and she`s passed out again

Lucky fucking me I`m thinking

Good night Jay

Night Tom

You`re not taking your date home

He says with a smile on his face

I wouldn`t want to catch some std

STD?

Sexually transmitted diseases

Oh I get it

Good one dude

Ciao

Ciao Tom

I get out look, at the time

Two thirty a.m,.

The Montréal Poolroom is just next door

Might as well go in

And have a couple of hotdogs.

To be continued…