The three-way hustle
Late eighties and early nineties
I used to hang out every weekend
At `Brasserie Chez Margot`
Another dive
What do you expect ?
You should know me by now
I like dives
The beer` s cheap
There` s no cover charge
There` s a jukebox
Some karaoke maybe
A cover band \ solo musician maybe
Doing top twenty crap
Which sounds better
Around three o` clock in the morning
When everybody` s almost passed out
And the only thing you` re thinking off
Is finding someone to bring home.
One thing though
There` s always a pool table
And there` s always some type of action going on
Did I mention there` s a pool table ?
Yes sir, indeed
Pat, Chris and myself
Would walk in `Brasserie Chez Margot`
Around 7.30 PM
Just to make sure
We would be sitting at our table
Located in front of the washrooms
Hey when you have to go, you have to go
When nature calls
You have to listen indeed
Sitting in front of the washroom is a lame excuse
The real reason` s simple
Our table is located
Next to the pool table
Now we` re getting somewhere
We` d sit down
Order a beer pitcher
I would look on my right side
Where` s the pool table
And if there` s someone playing
I would write my name on the black board
Tom` s in the house
And he` s playing next baby
Hey Tom it` s your turn man
I` d walk next to the table
I` m Tom and you are ?
Robert, pleased to meet you
Hey Robert
Would you like to play
For a glass of beer ?
A small beer ?
A big beer ?
A pitcher of beer maybe ?
Let` s play for a pitcher Tom
Sure thing
Your break Robert
Bang!!!
He sinks two highs
And two lows
Your choice Robert
The three top left corner
… missed his shot
Then I go
Ten corner pocket
Twelve side pocket
Fifteen cross side
Thirteen cross corner
Nine bottom right corner
I have three balls left
Including the eight
I can` t sink them
It` s too damn difficult
I have to do a safety
I hide the white ball behind the fourteen
Four left side pocket Tom
… he made it
seven top right pocket
he did it
five cross corner
Slam!
It` s gone
Combo two side pocket
Fuck!
Two for the price of one
The two and the three done in a single shot
He also has three balls left
Including the eight
Gotta find a strategy to slow him down
Hey, I got it
Hey Robert look at the blond girl near the bar
Tom you fucking idiot that` s a guy
Sorry dude my eyesight is really bad
He bends over still pissed off
The six top left pocket
Bing!
He misses his shot
Eleven corner
Fourteen side pocket
The eight cross side
Sorry about that man
You where not lucky on your last shot Robert
I know…
Here` s your pitcher Tom
Thanks man
Better luck next time
A good hustler is always humble
When using this strategy
You con more fish
There` s tons of fishes out there
There` s a sucker born every minute
Remember…
The best trick of the devil
Is to make you believe
He doesn` t exist
I put the pitcher on our table
That` s round one
Next
Gerry, you` re up
Hey, I` m Tom
Pleased to meet you
Yo Gerry wanna play for a pitcher of beer ?
Sure thing dude
I sink a couple of balls
Then miss the next shot on purpose
It was a safety shot
Damned Gerry I just fucked up
I know Tom
You` re a lucky motherfucker Tom
I don`t have a shot
What a fucking lucky safe
I know my man
And I` m thinking
What an idiot
I did that on purpose, ah, ah, ah…
He misses
I clean the table
I was lucky Gerry
I know Tom
Here` s your pitcher nice and cold my man
Thanks bro
Ann, you` re next girl
Hey Ann
Hey Tom
Hey beautiful wanna play for a pitcher ?
Sure thing babe
The same thing happens
Hank it` s your turn my brother
Hey Tom what` s up ?
Not much let` s play for a pitcher dude
Sure thing
The scenario repeats itself
Over and over
Sounds like the movie `Groundhog Day`
Then around midnight maybe
After drinking all those pitchers
I` m starting to get drunk
I know I` m gonna lose
For sure
Gerry you` re up
Hey Tom play for a pitcher again ?
Sure thing bro but this is my last game
How come ?
What the fuck ?
I lost five pitchers against you
And you want to call it quits
What kind of piece of shit are you ?
He angrily asks
I` m not a piece of shit
You see my friends Pat and Chris
They keep telling me
Tom we came here for a beer
Not to watch you play pool
I mean
They` re my friends you know
You` re right Tom
I` m sorry I snapped at you like that
It` s all good my man
We` re Friday night
I` m coming back tomorrow
Gerry, wanna play some more tomorrow ?
Damn straight
I` ll see you tomorrow night Tom
Yep
And I` m thinking
This is preproduction hustling indeed
I sit down and join my two amigos
Our table full of beer pitchers
Another easy evening gone by
I would perform the same stunt
Every weekend
For about ten years
Nobody ever noticed
My oh so subtle hustling techniques
Except Paul once (I will tell you about it eventually)
And that my friends
Was the tale
Of the three-way hustle.
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