Thursday, 28 February 2013

The beer factor


Early eighties up until late nineties I would to go the video club almost every weekend and rent movies (yes, good old analogue VHS). 



I would rent three on Friday nights and three more Saturday nights. If you do the math that`s six every weekends multiplied by fifty two weeks, that`s a grand total of 312 movies per year. I`ve seen tons of films, good ones, crappy ones, B movies and a lot of Z movies. On a Friday night, I`d to Novatech audio \ visual videoclub (1264 Jean-Talon east) and scope up movies. 


I`m a creature of habit. I love (in no particular order) science-fiction, animation, horror, gore, post- apocalyptic, B & Z movies. I would usually rent the following:
1- post-apocalyptic Mad Max and whatnot..
2- some type of horror.
3- some sci-fi or animation, it depends.
In order not to rent the same movie twice,  I would have this little notebook where I`d write the name of the movie with a small quotation. I would quote them something like this:
1- a worthless piece of shit.  
2- almost bearable.  
3- average. 
4- not bad.  
5- good.    
6- I want to purchase this one.
I would spend about thirty to sixty minutes at Novatech. That`s how long it took me checking me little notebook and actually renting said item. Next stop the dépanneur. I would buy two or three 1.5 liter big beers (Budweiser, 



St-Ides, 



Labatt Bleu Dry, 



Wildcat maybe). 


During those years, there was no microbrewery beers in Montréal (except Le Cheval Blanc brasserie). 





I`d purchase the cheap ones because at the time I didn`t know better, which is kinda unfortunate (it`s a good thing my liver can`t speak). Then back to my place for beers and movies. I`d light up a smoke (I stopped smoking circa February 21st, 1996), open a big one, lay on my nice black leather lazyboy, and away we go baby. I did that ritual almost every weekends. I  think I stopped around 1998. That was the year I was introduced to Windows and the internet. I had a computer around maybe 1982. It was a COCO 2 (color computer 2 by Tandy). 



It had 64 k of memory (later on I upgraded it to 128 k). My digital watch has more memory than that old piece of computer history. I bought the COCO 2 just to play videogames. And I sure did. The videogames came in three different formats:
1- 5.25 inch floppy disks.


2- rompac (the ancestor of the eight bit Nintendo cartridge)



3- cassettes. Yes you heard me right good old analog tapes. It took about ten to fifteen minutes to load a videogame, if it worked.


At the time I was a student working almost every weekends. I didn`t have any money to buy videogames. Lucky me, the uncle of  a coworker of my dad had tons of games. I would go to his place, and give him a bunch of blank diskettes. I`d go back there the following week to receive my diskettes full of cool games. I though it was odd that he never asked me for money. After all he was doing some type of work (even if it was just copying diskettes). A couple of weeks later my question was answered. I was in his home looking at some games when he started pinching my ass. Maybe we should go in the other room and play a different game he said. What do you mean ?
If you suck my dick I will give you more games.
Hey, I`m not like that I`m not interested.
If you try it you might like it.    
I don`t want to try it.
Listen boy, every man has a gay side you just have to discover it.
Well not me.
You sure ?
Yes I`m sure. I`m leaving.
I split and never came back. I don`t know if it was sheer coincidence but I stopped playing videogames temporarily. The old COCO2 started collecting dust in the basement. 
                                         There was a flood in Montréal, in July 1986. We had four and a half feet of sewer water in our basement. We lost a lot of things at the time: pool table, COCO2, thirty per cent of my underground comix collection and some furniture.
                                         I didn`t buy another computer. After all you could use computers to play games only, I naively though. A couple of years later, I discovered I was totally wrong indeed.
                                         Let`s go fast forward in time, circa summer 1998. The administration decided to save some money and downsize a couple of position. They cut a lot of jobs, including my position at the loading dock (worked there more than four years, but who cares, eh). Everybody was bumping each other (good thing we have a union, I though) and I ended up doing patrol evening shift. I love working evening but I hate doing patrol. What can you do, the bills keep pilling up, unfortunately you have to work. Anyways, one of my supervisors offers me the replace a couple of coworkers for their summer vacation. I accept right away. Damn I`m going back day shift Monday to Friday whilst on the evening shift I have a weekend out of three. The first places I go, is for a three weeks replacement at the reception of… (I work in a governmental building, let`s just skip that part). I meet Ann, the departments supervisor. I`ll never the following conversation:  
Me: what would you like me to do ?
Ann: as a receptionist, you have to be polite, patient, even with the rude and sometimes aggressive customers. You get that ?
Me: I understand. So basically, I answer the phone, give impeccable customer service and welcome incoming customers right ?
Ann: not just the phone you go on the internet and send emails.
Me: intern- what ?
Ann: the internet. You surf you know ?
Me: I have a skateboard.
Ann: no I mean you use Windows internet explorer and outlook express for emails.
Me: I have absolutely no idea of what you`re talking about.
Ann: you have a computer François ?
Me: I don`t own one.
Ann: you know how to use Windows ?
Me: never hard of it.
Ann: what are you doing here then ?
Me: a vacation replacement. I`m sure that if you give me a training I could probably do the job you know. Just give me a chance (I look at her with my sad blue eyes and no women can resist me).
Ann: ah well I`ll see what I can do. 
               Ann gives me the training. Everything goes well, it`s not as bad as I though . I get there early Monday morning, read my notes and start working right away. After a couple of days I`m feeling more  comfortable with the computer, Windows, outlook express and the internet. I`m starting to really enjoy surfing. There`s a whole universe out there. I can travel the world without ever leaving the reception, cool. This is better than beer I think. Damned, I`m hooked.
                 I buy my second computer the following year (1999). It`s a Pentium 1, 8 GO hard drive, 64 MO of memory, it comes with Windows 95. 


A couple of months later I upgrade to Windows 98. I get a modem internet connection and away we surf.
                 Today, year 2013, I`m writing this on my fourth PC. Let`s see, it all started with:
1-  1982 - a COCO 2 (color computer 2 by Tandy), with 64 k of memory (later on I upgraded it to 128 k).
2-   1999 - a Pentium 1, 8 GO hard drive, 64 MO of memory, it comes with Windows 95 (upgraded with Windows 98).                                                                 
3-  2001 - a Pentium 4, 60 GO hard drive, 1 GO of memory with Windows ME.




4-  2011 – a dual core processor, 500 GO hard drive, 6 GO of memory with  Windows XP. 
                I discovered that aside from playing games, you could use a computer for: surfing the internet, downloading stuff, doing text work, sending \ answering emails, listening to the radio, creating \ recording music, creating \ editing videos, editing pictures, creating your own videogames, podcasting, and especially watching movies \ videos. Here`s a small example, if you go to:
You can watch music video, movies and short movies. I started my old ritual of buying a couple a beers and watching videos. Nowadays we`re blessed in Montréal. We have a good variety of amazing microbrewery beers. Here`s some of my favorite weapons of choice (in no particular number):
Blanche De Chambly (the big bottle only)


U (red, honey, or blonde)






Éphemère (blackcurrant, raspberry, and my favorite one, apple)


L`Alchimiste (bock, ecossaise and doré)


Boréale (blonde, doré, copper, black, IPA, red,  and white)     


                                        As can probably imagine, I`ve watched a lot of stuff from the internet.  These days, I  have a new quotation system for videos. I quote them from one to ten, something like this:
1- awful crap.
2- bad.
3- mediocre.
4- near average.
5- average.
6- above average.
7- good.
8- even better.
9- excellent.
10- a masterpiece.
There`s some movies that go down great with beer, just like watching some stupid ass comedy while eating popcorn or greasy nachos with cheese, damn straight. Hence the beer factor concept. Or, how many beers you need to ingest in order to make a movie bearable.
1 BIG BLANCHE DE CHAMBLY
2 BIG BLANCHE DE CHAMBLY
APPLETON ESTATE (RESERVE) BROWN RHUM
= this movie is so goddam good. It needs to be slowly savored.







SIX PACK OF BOWES DOUBLE DRY
= near \ above \ average (number 4-5-6)



2 SIX PACKS OF BOWES DOUBLE DRY
= the more beer you ingest, the better it looks, and the more sense it makes (now The Waterboy looks like an Oscar contender.


2 SIX PACKS OF BOWES DOUBLE DRY + 2 BIG ASS SUBS
= one of those shitty, horrible, awful movies. It leaves you unsatisfied and hungry (but not for more).



2 SIX PACKS OF BOWES DOUBLE DRY + 2 BIG BLANCHE DE CHAMBLY
= movie starts good but slowly turns into crap. You start off with the 2 big Blanche De Chambly. You finish the 2 six packs to make sure you forget ever, and I mean ever watching such damn crap.



In the near future, I will review some clips, short movies and also full length films. I will include a quotation and will go also into the beer factor territory. Salute!




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