Tales from Tom the drunk hustler part 5

Paul at the helm

As I said before

Paul was the only person

Who discovered

My oh so subtle hustling techniques

He was the Barney Gumbles

Of  Brasserie `Chez Margot`

But those tales happened

Late eighties and early nineties

Maybe Matt Groening  visited Montréal

Spent an evening `Chez Margot`

And used good old Paul as a drunken muse

I`d doubt it though

Every bar

Every dive

Around the world

Has their own Barney Gumbles version

It`s part of the human equation

Paul had grayish hair

Thick round metallic glasses

I think he was late fifties, early sixties

He looked like a broker

Businessman

Used car salesman maybe

I`d walk in `Chez Margot `

Around 7.30 PM

I`d see Paul sitting at his usual spot

The first table next to the entrance

I`d say hi and that would be it

I don`t know why

We never talked much

The longest conversation  we had

Was when we where taking a leak

I remember

We used to talk about the new waitress

She had long dark hair

Sexy blue eyes

That were glowing in the dark

With a set of…

Anyways

She looked like a siren from heaven

Or maybe hell

She was really popular with the gents

Easily understandable

A lot of girls were getting jealous of all that  attention

So they started spreading rumors

Saying Julian was a whore

She was sleeping with all the guys

Bullshit I say

I never banged her

I know Julian

And Pierre (the bouncer)

Had a thing together

They would be leaving together

Every night

Holding hands

You don`t have to be a rocket scientist

To figure that one out

A couple of guys

Were jealous of  Pierre

How so fucking human

I never understood jealousy though

What`s the point ?

You`re hurting yourself

With your insecurity

And you`re hurting others

Trying to bring them down with you

So you don`t feel alone

In your own little personal hell

It`s pretty lonely

Being in the dark

But anyways

Back to our story

It was a Friday night

I walked in all alone

Pat had a big ass cold

And Chris

Was busy with his new girlfriend

Lucky him I though

He`s getting some

Lucky me

More beer for me I though

Nobody is playing pool

The place is almost empty

It`s early February

And I`m sitting all alone

Aside from Paul

I don`t know anybody  here

Might as well join him

Hey Paul mind if I have drink with you my man

Sure thing Tom, have a seat

Here have a smoke

Thanks Tom

My pleasure mon ami

Paul you wanna  play a game of pool ?

Paul looks me straight in the eyes and says

Tom I`ve watched you

And I know you

More than you know yourself

You`re gonna ask me to play for a pitcher ?

You`re gonna hustle me for beer ?

Like you do every weekend ?

When you come in here

With your two friends

Paul you got it all wrong

It`s true I play a couple of games

For a couple of beers

But I don`t do it all evening

After all

I came here to drink

With my friends

Not to play pool all night

You know what I mean

Hey, I know

Exactly what you mean

When you`re too drunk to play

You keep telling

The same excuse

Every weekend

Dude, win or lose

This is me last game

I  came here to drink with me mates

Not to play pool all night

Fuck, I`m screwed

He knows my little trick

I don`t know what to say

My face is so damn red

I look him straight in the eyes

Well

Well what Tom ?

What are you gonna do ?

Sweet fuck all

What ?

Hey if those idiots

Are so fucking stupid

They don`t realize what you`re doing

Might as well

Screw them more

After all Tom

YOU`RE A HUSTLER !!!

YOU`RE A HUSTLER !!!

Good thing the place is empty

I though

Nobody hears him scream

I`m saved by the bell

The hustler`s bell maybe ?

We started talking about music

Turns out

Paul is a blues fan

I saw Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble

Live twice

I proudly say

Where ?

The Olympic Stadium

You`re shitting me

No I`m not

There was four bands that evening

He was the opening act

After there was

Peter Tosh

Talking Heads

And The Police

Must have been a good show

Indeed my man indeed

Saw him last year

At the Spectrum

He literally blew the place man

I can imagine that

Wow!!!

Pierre comes and sits down

The place is empty

I`m fucking tired

Last call dudes

But Pierre

It`s only two o`clock

Give us a chance Paul says

Sorry guys

Drink up and I`ll see you tomorrow

Alright

We finish up

And proceed to go outside

It`s cold

And particularly humid

That Pierre what a dick

Not only is he banging Julian

But now he`s kicking us out

I`m gonna go in

Kick his ass

Take it easy Paul

If you kick his ass

We`ll have to find another drinking spot

Besides

The beer`s dirt cheap here

You`re right Tom

I know

Wanna share a cab ?

I parked my car at the corner of the street

Wanna lift Tom ?

Sure thing dude

He opens the car doors

We sit down

Light up some smokes

And away we go

Where do you live Tom ?

St-Michel boulevard

Corner of Villeray street

That`s not too far

Something`s wrong here

My spider sense is tingling

Paul is driving really slow

Hey man

You`re driving kinda slow

Everything alright ?

I have to be careful Tom

I don`t want to lose my job

I`m a pizza delivery guy

What ?

I deliver pizza you fucking douche bag

I got that one

I`m not that stupid you know

I`m sorry man

I should`nt be driving

How come ?

I don`t have a license anymore

And why is that ?

Got too many DUI

If the cops catch me

I`ll end up in jail

For sure

And I`ll probably be

Some inmate`s bitch

`cause I`m so small

And how are you feeling now ?

I ask

Pretty loaded

At what time did you arrive

Chez Margot ?

I got in around ten thirty am

And you never left

I left with you Tom

That`s all

Damn !

And I`m thinking

If we get busted

Paul would probably be

The kind of guy

To tell the cops

That I was the one

Who told him to drive

Even

If he was drunk as a skunk

Gotta get out of here

Gottta find something

Think of a plan

And think fast dude

Hey Paul

I get off next street

That`s not your stop Tom

I know

You see

I know this cute girl

Which lives on this here street

If I make it fast

I could bang her right now

Why fast ?

It`s simple

Her boyfriend works the graveyard shift

I go inside

Do ma thing

And get out before nine am

And I`m still alive

Tom you motherfucker

Not yet

I never met her mom, ah, ah, ah

Well anyways

Thanks a lot for the lift Paul

Anytime

Have a good banging session

Have a good night

I get out

Pretend to go inside

The apartment

Wait until he`s gone

And walk back to my home

It`s a good thing

I came up with that improvised lie

Otherwise

I would still be inside his car

And maybe

I wouldn`t be here

To tell the tale

Of

Paul at the helm.