Means to an end
François Marceau (23-06-2016)
Are you happy Terry Tranny?
What kind of a stupid question is that?
Are you a happy man?
Happiness is an illusion created by mass media
Owned by big corporations in order for people to
consume more products.
Come again, I didn`t understand a word you`re saying.
Terry slowly gets up, looks Gilbert Brownozzer straight in the eyes and says let me explain.
- Try vitamin XXLX will make you bigger, stronger, more technology.
– Have a double decker motherfucker gangbangedzilla cheeseburger with fries the size of your ass.
For 2.99$ here at Max-Malaka.
– Buy a six pack of our corporately owned `Nature`s last call `
Micro-brewed beer. It smells and tastes like nature`s last call.
Just 16.99$ at your local slave trade conglomerate.
- Shop at your local Wallzz-Of-Scrap.
We have the lowest of the lowest prices here.
Our prices are so low they`re beyond child labor.
– You got a micro dick and tiny breasts.
Don`t just stand there.
Come and see us here at Supersize-me corporation.
Fifty dollars per breast
And a hundred dollars per penis.
Do you want to look like a North American?
We also do stomach enhancements.
Comes with free cholesterol, diabetes
Heart attacks included.
How`s that for a deal!
- Unemployed and still looking for work?
Your country needs you Bubba.
Think about it for a second.
We feed you
give you cool army gears
and all the ammo you can handle
(guns, grenades, machineguns, flamethrowers,
you name it Bubba).
You`re still not convinced?
You`re not randomly killing people, you`re liberating them.
Sign on the dotted line please.
- Unemployed and still looking for work (part two)?
Send your resume at Youcantratethis conglomerate.
There`s a bright future in store for you.
You`ll be given a job
with no compensations
no pension funds
no social advantages
with long working hours (overtimes never included).
We focus on development and continuous training
for all of our employees / associates / drones.
We offer courses in back stabbing
superior ass kissing
hand / blow jobbing
(special mentions for spitting or swallowing)
Our finest candidates may succeed
in getting a Doctorate in Smitherism,
the highest position on the corporate ladder.
– You don`t believe in God?
You should be ashamed of yourself.
There is a God you just
didn`t choose which one yet.
Think of all the possibilities,
and kill all those who think differently
because God is on your side.
Which means you`re always on the winner`s side.
Think about it.
There`s a heaven for some
there`s virgins waiting for others
and you redeem
your karma ticket right at the entrance (for some).
Terry sits down, exhausted
he takes a sip from his latté.
Gilbert Brownozzer stares blankly at him.
He gets up and closes his file.
He`s still staring blankly at Terry Tranny.
Well mister Brownozzer.
I`m sorry if I burst up like that.
I didn`t mean to offend you.
I`m a passionate person you know.
Passion is a good thing mister Tranny.
It has to be properly and corporately controlled
like everything else in life.
I`d like to shake your hand Terry.
The kiss of death, he`ll fire me for sure now.
Mister Tranny I have some good and bad news.
The good news first.
I`ll put you in charge of the
publicity and public relations department.
But that`s Johnny Brownitongues position.
That`s the bad news.
You have to fire him.
Think you`re up for it?
I think so.
It`s Friday and you`re starting Monday.
Don`t just stand there.
Go fire his ass!
I`m on my way.
Terry gets out of his office
closes the door behind him.
First time I`m firing someone.
I`m so excited. I feel like God.
I am God.
I`m getting an erection here.
Thursday, 23 June 2016
I got this at Renaissance Montréal, again for 2.00$. I`m a sucker for Ninja Tune record label, ever since I bought, way back in 2000, their Xen Cuts (3 × CD Compilation). The music goes into various sonic territories: future jazz, hip hop, electronic and downtempo. You will hear some songs from: Jaga Jazzist, Amon Tobin, AmmonContact, One Self, Dwight Trible & The Life Force, Trio, Airborn Audio, The Herbaliser, Mr. Scruff, Pest, Blockhead, Bonobo, Roots Manuva (two tracks), Spank Rock, Part 2, TTC, Diplo (two songs), Ty, and King Geedorah. There`s some amazing pieces here;
CD 1 – Sunny side
6 – Airborn Audio – inside the globe = funky electronics + hip hop = the perfect summer hit.
8 – Mr. Scruff – chicken in a box = downtempo funky electronic music, sweet.
CD 2 – Scrambled
4 – TTC – dans le club = an incredible mix of hip hop and electronica from those Parisian rappers. An interesting compilation. Too much hip hop for my taste buds (I prefer electronic music what can I say).
Thursday, 16 June 2016
I`m so happy to receive this. I`d prefer a book but a split chapbook with Mark Ritchie will do. In case you didn`t know Mark does this amazing, black & white, cut & paste monthly zine titled `Hiroshima Yeah! `. He writes short, witty poems. I was always hoping an editor would publish his poems. No one did. He decided to self-publish which is often the best option. To give the devil his dues, we start with `poems from Glasgow `. there`s 14 poems from Mark. They`re all great but my favorite one is
There is silence sometimes,
But it is all too rare.
When it fall upon you, the
World seems to be holding it`s
And in the red corner, I mean on the other side we get treated with `poems from London `. Pete Coward (a sometimes Hiroshima Yeah! Contributor) writes 13 short stories / poems. Good stuff, check this one out
Not dead yet
How do you not die?
Someone asked me once
After a few days
A few years later
I still have no answers for her
And am still
It`s not for want of trying.
Damned this is good stuff. Contact: email@example.com. Send him a donation, pay him a pint, don`t just stand there do something. This I command.
Whenever I get something by mail, which is not some bills or publicity, it makes my day. I sit down, open a cold beer and start reading my monthly intake of HY! (This issue has six pages crammed with goodies). We open things up with poems by `a bitter old fuck `. My favorite pieces this time around are
I spend my time
Graveyards and pubs.
And other cities of the dead.
`Are you happy? `she asks.
`I`m never happy `I reply.
`Why is that? `
I smile, shrug.
If I could answer that…
Reasons to hate
I think of reasons to hate you,
In an attempt to make it easier.
But the ache never ends.
Mark you are a talented poet and writer. We have some music, book and concert (Father John Misty, academy, Glasgow, 12-05-2016) reviews. There`s our monthly dose of `13.82 billion years in hell ` (Gary Simmons strange, cryptic, psychotic, antisocial / social comments), and `fuck Chrissie! ` (Mark Ritchie + Gary Simmons texting madness). We end all this with `Rex`s blues `, a nice shorty from mark himself. Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org
This is my favorite 8.5 by 11, cut & paste, black & white, monthly zine (5 pager). There`s a beautiful Elizabeth Taylor picture on the front cover. Now let`s begin with `poetry of lunacy `department. Standout poems are
We have been friends
For many years
But your neediness
Has become insufferable
Meeting you now
Is a chore.
I wish you would join
The society of freaks
Who drink on their own,
As I did a long time ago.
And leave me alone.
It is frightening
The months can vanish;
Going to the library,
Then to the pub;
Nothing really happening.
And the relief,
Of doing nothing
But the fear
Of doing something,
Pretty funky if you ask me. There`s our monthly features of `13.82 billion years of hell ` (Garry Simmons writes music reviews this time around), and `doctor Thornaby` (strange / bizarre / weird to say the least). We also have some book , music and concert (Richmond Fontaine, art school, Glasgow 27-04-2016). We end this zine with a couple of short stories from the likes of Gaya Donadio & Garry Simons (dialogue between a promoter and a probationing man) and Mark Ritchie `café de chattes `. Contact: email@example.com
Monday, 13 June 2016
I got this from the same chap who sent me `The Crash Hounds Of America – brown thoughts` cassette. This is a slightly short tape (19 tracks = 29.30 minutes). A lo-fi recording made with synthesizers, beats (various banging), some type of voice / singing, acoustic and at times distorted electric guitar. I like the lo-fi aesthetics at work here. The music sounds like a mix between Eric`s Trip (the lo-fi bedroom pop), Suicide (minimal synth lines) and The Byrds (a subtle slightly psychedelic pop sensibility). This is good non-commercial, independent, underground music. My standout tracks of the moment are:
11 – Island life # 2 (2.23 minutes) = percussions / banging, meets some singing, with distorted guitar works. It sounds like Sonic Youth unplugged).
14 – Do I look like my dad (0.22 seconds) = a short & sweet minimal ambient interlude. Contact:
Hot & Ready records
2700 White Ave. #3
One of the reasons why I keep doing this is I love getting stuff by mail. I recently got this parcel with a zine, two cassettes, yes, you heard me, two old school analogue tapes. Through the years, I heard a lot of weird noise and music. Some great stuff, some average and some bad crap. This is weird: acoustic / electric guitar, some percussions / banging going on while someone is trying his best to sing. The end results are intense, crazy, nearly schizophrenic song oriented mumbo jumbo. If someone would be capable of mixing Syd Barrett / Captain Beefheart`s out there jam sessions with some Jack Terrible`s weird / schizoid musings / rantings and a little Bo Diddley on the side, then they would create The Crash Hounds Of America. It took me a couple of listens to appreciate this tape. I found some standout tracks:
5 – Puke (on myself) = electric guitar + some banging + voice + synthesizer. Recalls Suicide, good stuff.
6 – Hound hunch = a good mix of percussions & banging = Nox anyone.
7 – Brown town = the usual mix of things with some free saxophone sessions. Think Blurt and you`re getting there. Have no fear and send him a couple of bucks here:
Hot & Ready records
2700 White Ave. #3
This is the first album from those New Orleans chaps. It came out in 2005 on their own record label (Teleprompt records). I was browsing through endless piles of used Cds at Renaissance Montréal when I found this. The cover caught my attention, it looks a little bit like Kraftwerk`s `trans Europe Express` album, especially the colors. I was curious and for 2.00$ a CD, what the hell. I`m hearing this for the first time and I have to admit that I`m puzzled and surprised here. This is like a rich sonic stew, not much meat but lots of good vegetables: onions, cabbage, carrots, potatoes, turnip, zucchini, Brussels sprout, cauliflower, parsnip, and eggplant. The arrangements are rich, structured, and complex. A melting pot of various music styles alternative, math rock, garage, art rock, new wave, reggae, funk, jazz, electronica, progressive rock, psychedelic music, stoner, dream pop and spacy, atmospheric rock (Sigur Ros perhaps). Impressive to say the least. You want some, come get some here: http://www.mutemath.com/
This album was bought by a good friend of mine at the Montréal écocentre (google it) for a dollar. He gave me a couple of those CDs as a gift. This is a huge compilation (27 bands = 75.53 minutes). The music is on the heavy, the intense side of things. It`s a mixture of various music styles alternative rock, nu metal, funk metal, punk, melodic hardcore, ska. Death metal and downright brutal hardcore. It feels like an international compilation. There`s bands from France
-L`esprit Du Clan
-No Place For Soul
-Yo Pizza Jump
-Black Bomb A
-La Ruda Salska
-Freedom for King Kong
This compilation came out in 2002. Most of these bands are still active today. Punk`s not dead folks. It`s definitely alive and kicking, even today.
Thursday, 2 June 2016
This album was bought by a good friend of mine at the Montréal écocentre (google it) for a dollar. He gave me a couple of those CDs as a gift. This is a compilation of various unknown Montréalers (20 songs = 72.05 minutes) and yes, you`re right it came out in 2008. A bilingual release (some sing in French, others in English). There`s different music styles here: lo-fi indie, alternative country, garage rock, folk rock, indie, punk, pop rock, new wave pop, psychedelic rock and folk. You will hear sounds from the likes of Darling Demaes, Mordekai The Falcon, Bad Uncle, Le Nom, Dandy Plume, Le Mieux De La mort, Jaimee Lee, Swamp Sex Robots, Pom Pom War, Le Couleur, Bujo, Alex Et Le Droogies, Lavabo, Chartier + 4, Voilà, Harvee, Destael, After The Weather, Jérémie Droulers and Mono / Stéréo. An interesting compilation of underground bands / artist from that period. None of them made it big (maybe there`s a good reason why). You figure it out.
A couple of weeks ago I sent Dr. Bill a couple of Mastock newsletters. He send me Lab Findings # 6 (his most recent issue). I loved it. I reviewed it, and I sent him more copies of the Mastock newsletter. I got a small parcel last night. The good doctor Bill didn`t have time to finalize LF#7 so he send me issue #5. This one is a 8.5 by 11, black & white, printed zine (6 pages this time around). Let`s start with the postal rundown section. It is a huge list of mail contacts (44 to be precise) for mail art, collage artists, homemade postcards, traders, and some zines as well. There`s also the letter comment section. While reading this I discovered I`m not the only one who likes shopping at thrift stores. I purchased some rare, cool and cheap CDs / DVDs there. I bought in no particular order; A- Best of Troma Dance Volume 4 DVD = 4.00$ B- The Throne Of Drones Compilation CD = 2.00$ (sold out and rare). -C-DJ Spooky That Subliminal Kid – Necropolis: The Dialogic Project CD = 0.50 (my favorite illbient / electronic album).
We have some articles about little free libraries (I would love to see this in Montréal), the midnight movies era and afterword. This zine is an amazing read. Feel free to contact Doctor Bill at: