The sinking process

Dealing with shit. Life is full of ups and downs. We have good moments and shitty moments. It's all about the attitude. I wrote this beautifully dark and haunting poem a long time ago (more than ten years in fact). It seemed relevant during those dark days. Unfortunately the darkness has come back to haunt me again. I use poetry, writings, drawings, music, noise has a catharsis to open that internal sickness of the heart and soul and to break the pattern. Enjoy the poem. I think this is the best thing I wrote so far. Almost everyone had to deal and survive various bad moments.   

The sinking process

It`s snowing outside

The cold wind sets in

The snow keeps falling and falling

Dancing an invisible ballet

Drifting away

Drifting apart slowly

Slowly and silently

The wind becomes louder

It`s almost screaming now

Pushing me

Pulling me

For I feel like a piece of paper

In it`s hands

An instrument

An object

I am a strong man

And I feel powerless in this situation

A mere thorn

On the side of nature

The snow`s falling faster now

I see these big snowflakes

Dropping in front of me

Thick white bullets

An encompassing blanket of whiteness

A blinding whiteness

Blinding everything

Everyone in it`s path

WHITE SHADOWS FOR DARK DAYS

There`s also that damned humidity

The kind that makes me feel naked

It passes through my clothes

As if I`m wearing nothing

Nothing at all

It makes my body shiver

My bones are cold, they feel frozen

It gives you a kind of

Feeling of emptiness, loneliness

A loneliness in front of the void

In front of a bottomless pit

Ready to jump

Too scared to actually do it

It`s too dark down there

Anyways

Why jump

When you could slowly sink into oblivion

The sinking

Is a slow daily process

Painful

A place where events,

Memories are buried deep within

Where they lay there

Forgotten

Trying hard to forget them

Forgetting the past

The present

Where was yesterday ?

Are we today ?

When was tomorrow ?

Feeling empty

Left in nothingness

Sinking even more into darkness

Blind

Blinded by darkness

Surrounded by darkness

Sensing it`s powers

Being submerged in it

Adoring it

Loving it

Getting hornier just thinking about it

Oh sweet oblivion

I love you so

You`re my mistress

My lover

But

You`re mostly my tool of amnesia

You help me forget

The bad moments in life

You help me forget the pain

The loneliness

And it`s snowing again

The snow covers everything

The cars

The streets

The buildings

Thick white sheets of nothingness

Emptiness

Emptiness of the heart

Emptiness of the soul

Desperation

Despair

The snow and the wind blend together

Everything looks grey
Urban decay

Mother nature`s got the blues

I know the feeling

When you`ve been hurt so much

That you don`t have any tears left

Nothing left to cry for

Nothing

Nothing except the pain

The pains of the heart

Sickness of the soul

Which is pretty hard

To explain in the first place

It`s like dying from the inside

The outside looks just fine

So people think you`re alright

Because you don`t look sick

And appearances are saved

But inside…

Inside it`s a turmoil

A never-ending struggle

The never-ending struggle

A fight between loathe

And self-destruction

Where happiness is rarely seen

Always drifting away

A big empty nothing

You`re insecure

Shy

Lacking in self-esteem

Always feeling left out

By others

By yourself

Always alone

The more you`re alone

The more you`re drifting

Can`t get laid

Can`t find a girlfriend

Nobody seems interested

Can`t help it

It`s a loop, a circle

A damn vicious circle

The sinking process

The sinking process

The sinking process

The sinking process

Sinking ?

Endlessly…