Friday, 28 December 2012

Tales from Tom the drunk hustler part 1

When I was a young chap (a couple of centuries ago) I would go clubbing / cruising every weekend with my two friends. There`s Pat, the small, tough as nails, silent rebel, and also Chris, the loud mouth, accident prone type. Last but not least, I`m Tom, the one in the middle.    

Bukowski 2012 AD

Needed a drink
Walking on St-Laurent street between René-Lévesque & St-Catherine`s
The old red light district                      
It still looks rock and roll after all these years
A couple of old spots are still open
There`s Frite Dorée

The new Montréal Pool Room

Man the old one was so much better
I can still smell those amazing hot dogs

Strong mustard with some unreal cabbage mix
Damn !
I`m drooling just thinking about it
I remember going in around three o`clock in the morning
After all the clubs are closed
Walking in there gozungus out of my mind
Those dogs hit the spot that`s for sure
Damn !
Café Cléopatra`s still open

Man that strip joint is still active
Those strippers are definitely wild ones

The things they`d do for a plastic bag full of baking soda
Pete`s Tavern closed down
I remember playing pool and hustling vagrants
For a fucking glass of beer
It costs about a buck fifty
Hey, it`s a matter of principle
Why pay for alcohol
It could be free if hustled properly
I almost got my ass beat up a couple of times
But I was younger then and ran faster too
The good old days of lost youth and innocence
The Midway`s open

Man what a dive this is
I was dancing with this cute blonde
While someone was trying to pickpocket my wallet
That evening that dude discovered that
The best boxers \ brawlers are left handed
Might as well go inside for a cold beer
It`s still the same hellhole
The blue jukebox is still located near the entrance
Still playing the same kind of music
There`s the usual choice of
Led Zeppelin
Bob Marley
And a good mix of bluesy stuff
Blues Travelers
Stevie Ray Vaughan
Big Bill Broonzie
Robert Johnson
Howlin` Wolf
Some Muddy Waters too
Beer drinking music
You know what I`m saying
None of that top twenty shitty crap
No rap
No techno
No lounge
No punk
Nor folky indish pseudo intellectual mierda

I sit down and order a beer pitcher
Yep the place is the same
Like going back in time
Some twenty something years ago
I`m the Marty McFly of dives
They have a pool table
That`s new indeed
I`m too tired to hustle anybody
Besides I see a couple of cockroaches fornicating
Under the pool table
Might as well watch the show
They seem to do it like humans
I wonder if they have orgasms
Do they come loudly like
I also wonder if they talk after sex
Imagine their post coital conversations
Listen those are your eggs
Therefore they`re your problem
I came here for a drink not to get laid
I gotta stop drinking
Who was that I had sex with
No I don`t want to know your name
The possibilities are endless
We don`t  need TV here
Look around
The entertainment is everywhere
A fight is about to erupt at the bar
This guy is trying to sell some bad quality shit
Someone`s shooting up in the men`s washroom
The guy next table is discreetly  taking a leak on the floor
It`s so dark nobody sees him
I hear him urinate though
A guy comes in trying to sell some stolen DVD`s
Gimme 20.00 $ and threy`re all yours
I`m not interested buddy
10.00 $ and you can have them all
leave me alone moron
go fuck yourself !
that`s exactly what I`m doing
the waiter comes in grabs the DVD`s
and throws him out
collateral damage my man he says
he gives me a free beer pitcher
to heal my wounds
or to forget about what happened
hey, I`m easy what can I say
it`s getting late
3 o`clock last call
last chance to get laid before closing time
self-collapsing part-time oblivion
now it`s really late
staring at my eyes
mouthwash cigarettes
the stench of the last drop
last chunk
droppings on the floor
leftover peanuts on my table
the perfume of old, humid cigars
3-d fucking smell-o-rama
a dive is a dive after all…


  1. Really enjoyed reading this! I love hearing stories about local places that are now long gone. Saint John is famous for many bars/stores/restaurants have come and gone. Cool piece!

    1. This will be an ongoing series my friend. I wrote four episodes so far.